Last year, we cut back dramatically on our Christmas gift-giving and receiving. I never really wrote about how that went, so I thought now might be a good time to do so.
The whole thing started with my husband. Christmas brought up memories of stressful times for him, and what he really wanted out of the season was more time with family. So he brought up the idea of a no-gift Christmas. I wasn't on board with that (because I have gifts as one of my love languages) but I did have fond memories of a Christmas past of a dramatically different type. So we compromised on a low-gift Christmas instead. Here's how it went.
We first talked to his family about stopping our Christmas gift exchange entirely with them, since we thought that they would be receptive to the idea. (They'd mentioned something similar in the past.) Surprisingly, they didn't want to join in, but they did agree not to exchange gifts with us.
Then we talked to my extended family about the same thing, and were surprised a second time because they seemed all for the idea. Reactions ranged from logistical questions, to relief, to thrilled enthusiasm. Coincidentally during this time a family member that we had yet to talk to called ME with the same idea. There were also a very, very few people that we did not talk to about the idea at all, but kept things as they were.
Finally, we agreed that we would still exchange presents among the three of us, but that we would aim for fewer of them. (We ended up cutting back there by about half, maybe more.) Overall it was an enormous reduction in the amount of gifts given and received.
There was some anxiety in talking to people about that stuff — after all, it's not the norm in modern-day America to call up someone and say hey, we wanted to let you know that we won't be giving you Christmas gifts anymore, and we'd like it if you didn't get anything for us either — but I'm very glad that we did it. No one seemed upset, everyone saved time and money, and we all got to relax together more instead of being awash in piles of wrapping paper & boxes that had to be carted around later.
I'll admit it though, it was hard to shake the deeply-ingrained notion that you should not go to a party empty-handed. So uh, we didn't. We brought cookies & candy that we made ourselves. (Which was fun, and resulted in more time together.) I did miss doing so much shopping, but my husband & I went window-shopping together instead, which was actually more satisfying. The worst thing that happened was that unbeknownst to us those who were still doing gift exchanges got together earlier for their exchange. So we missed out on seeing that, and on that time with them. I can understand it though, since it does feel strange to open gifts in front of people when not everyone is getting them.
There were also some unexpected benefits to this. No feeling bad because you knew that time, effort, love and money went into a gift for you that unfortunately wasn't something you wanted or needed. It IS the thought that counts, so why not just have the thought and a hug? It was also really strange (in a good way!) to come home and just be able to go relax instead of dealing with the aftermath of Christmas. Maybe I sound ungrateful here, but I'm not. I'm grateful that we got to enjoy time together that still had a holiday flavor to it, but without the accompanying (and sometimes insidious) stress. And I really enjoyed the gifts we did give and receive. They were more meaningful.
We'll be doing this again, and I imagine it will go even easier this year.
No comments:
Post a Comment